Karma'ed

At times I find

The world is blind

To a host of my desires,

But the answer is clear

Those who are dear

Keep them close till the pyres.

To fight we must

For our love and lust

Till once more, reduced to dust

And returned to that lonesome mire.

Green Paneer and Ham

There are two types of people currently in the Institute, Indian,  of Tecknowledgy Madras - the morons and the imbeciles.

The morons chose to dine in the RR Food Court for the whole sem, a place notorious for long wait times and missed breakfasts. I'll admit, there is the allure of ice-creams, fruit juice, and butter chicken, so I'll have to put them in the smart morons category.

The imbeciles, on the other hand, put their faith in the belief that the new caterer in the mess is capable of serving edible food, if only for the first two semesters. Which is why they should be further classified as the bulbing imbeciles.

The point of this discussion, of course, is none other than the brand new caterer in our mess - A Diet Express (ADE).  As tempted as I am to give this a better-fitting acronym, sadly, I can find none. This truly is a mess that will force you to diet. Of course, to balance out our choices, the CCW has taken the privilege of giving all other caterers the boot/pink slip/the old heave-ho/involuntary separation from employer/you get the idea. In effect, ADE now has complete monopoly over the thriving mess business. Thriving in bacteria, that is.

But I think I may be giving A Diet a bit too much criticism. It seems logical to admit that, for the first few weeks, they will have some trouble getting used to the insti way of grub production. To be perfectly fair, about 25% of the dishes they serve actually are edible.

Nevertheless, I do have to strongly object to their chapattis. Or naan. Or pulkas, or any of their other wheat products. Frankly, they're just pieces of rubber.

Still, that's precisely what I find so appealing about these rotis. Being an mad scientist at heart, I took it upon myself to commercialize a few alternate uses for these abominable attas. The more promising attempts have been listed as below:

• Camping Essentials : For all those wilderness lovers out there, ever found yourself shivering in the dark at night in a cold, deserted forest? Well then, simply carry around a few A DietTM Chapattis with you next time. Find a nice bundle of dry leaves, hold one A DietTM Chapatti in each hand, and strike them together to produce a fire.
• Worrisome Velcro : I'd been wondering how to attach those old mosquito nets to my windows. The answer? Attach a bunch of A DietTM Chapattis around the rim of the frame. Guaranteed instant adhesive.
• A Bounce in Your Step : The next time you find a tear or two in your leather workshop shoes or studs, use an A DietTM Chapatti! Not only does it mend the patch, it also puts a spring in your step for the next few days, till it goes stale.
• Winter Wonderland : Has ice-skating always been a passion for you? Well then, attach one of our custom-made Chappas to the bottom of your soles, and watch yourself glide over the roughest of terrain. Guaranteed to maintain its frictionless, non-tear surface, even against the strongest abrasives.
• Secret Service : Sometimes, you do stupid things, and end up getting a hit posted on you. No worries, though. Wear a sheet of A DietTM Chapattis under your shirt. Stronger than Kevlar, lighter than mythril, and not half as expensive.
• Military Warfare : Those standard-issue army knives are a thing of the past. When next thou finds't theeself in a dogfight, melee with an A DietTM Chappati. It'll choke your enemy within a good 3 seconds.

I believe they've taken to the IIT spirit of making functional, versatile, but aesthetically lacking products. Though the one exception was that weirdly tangy dish the other day, which had a new species of fluroscent green paneer.

My explanation? They want to track the flow of grub in our gut with radium-irradiated food. Which leads me to the conclusion that the ones behind all this are probably the biotechs. Damn those lemonADE loving lemon-partyists.

Green Marbles and Ham

Red roses

Blue violets

Green ham

And omlettes

This world's a mess

Not that I care

But I've been given

Not truth, but dare.

Impromptu answers

Will mend not the hole

That grows and threatens

Above the south pole

And little green men

Will not magically fix

The problem with our trees

So fix up our ethics

It's not so hard

Just try and see

Learn to recycle

It's actually quite nifty

Don't drive to work,

Use a cycle instead

We all know you need to lose

A spare tyre of lead

And switch off those lights

As you leave each room

Don't forget! Reduce

And try not to consume.

Now my vision's all blurry

The migraine approaches

Environmental issues, it seems,

Sends me for sixes.

So heed my sacrifice

Don't let down your guard

Though it may be a pain

Lest our future be marred

Haikus Uncensored

You know those long, dreary Saturday nights on the weekend just before a quiz? This was one of them. I was in my room, studying hard(ly), but I decided to go online to do something more productive. What resulted was a 3-way conversation between the three nuttiest kooks in IITm - Sarthak Pathak, 1/6 , and Anoop V. It was too good a conversation to ignore, and I just had to blog this :D

Anoop Vargheese :  Searching for someone to share in the misery....

Nitin (One-by-Six) - What happened, da?(Is there poetry involved?)

Bindu Upadhyay - ??

Anoop Vargheese - What do you think?

(Hint: There's MugGiNG involved...)

(Another Hint: No, I haven't actually started yet.)

(Yet Another Hint: I actually want someone who can sit beside me with a newspaper in hand and hit me every time he sees me start snoring and/or mindlessly drooling over my books)

Sarthak P - There is always

a poem involved

Atleast a haiku

Nitin (One-by-Six) - That's not a haiku

Syllable count is wrong and

No season word. Fall.

Nitin (One-by-Six) - Wait a minute... :\ I thought you had robotics fundaes. Can't you make a simple bot for that? A newspaper whacking bot. You can call it the 'Sleepulator'. Geddit? 'Sleep-u-later'. Huh? Get it? [Poke] [Poke] [Poke] Or you can just call it the 'Mugmax3000'. Or 'Bob'.

I'm sorry. I'm a little high on ice-cream right now. I really shouldn't have a comp in front of me in a state like this. OOH... you can make it play just the first two lines of Chop Suey! ('Wake UP! (wake up)') over and over again every five minutes. That would work!

Sarthak P - BOB - Biological-cycle Oppressor Bot

Anoop Vargheese - Time to mug and ditch,

But I'd really rather not,

Flu Mech is a bitch.

Sarthak P - Haikus are very hard

to do because of numbers

Refrigerator

Sarthak P - this is my haiku

it's supposed to be funny

this is epic fail

Anoop Vargheese - Bots to wake me up?

Now there's a good idea.

But can it be done?

Bob might have trouble-

Chop Suey can short-circuit

Even the toughest.

Anoop Vargheese - ...

These are troubled times,

The Quizzes running rampant,

Wish I had a nuke.

Sarthak P - Bob bot! Bob bot! Bob?

Bob bot bet big belt by bat

but bob bot bit bat :|

Anoop Vargheese - Now Pot's lost it all,

The little sense that he had,

Here come the PJs.

Sarthak P - Hey listen people

I CALL FOR A HAIKU

CONTEST! COOL!

One-by-six dude

get in here fast man,really

you're missing out

Anoop Vargheese - ...

Pot you RG ass -

I need to study real bad,

You snake in the grass.

Anoop Vargheese - ...

But the harm's been done,

I cannot back down. Not now.

Let loose the hell hounds.

Sarthak P - No you cannot fold

the power,you cannot hold

of a haiku told

Anoop Vargheese - ...

Check your rhymes, Sarthak.

I feel the count slipping

On some of your odes

Nitin (One-by-Six) - HEY! Don't forget me!

I can make Haikus TOO, see?

(Nothing rhymed but PEE)

Sarthak P - ahh! now all fear!

The god of haikus is here

now it's in gear!

Anoop Vargheese - ..

Hey, One-by! That's cool!

Haiku rhymes? I feel a fool,

For missing out. Tool!

Nitin (One-by-Six) - [Facepalm] [facepalm] [face-

palm] [facepalm][facepalm][facepalm]

[facepalm] [facepalm] Ouch.

(5-7-5. It's right, right?)

Sarthak P - buffalo buffa-

-lo buffalo buffalo

buffalo buffalo dog!

Nitin (One-by-Six) - Llama Llama DUCK

Llama Llama Llama DUCK

Llama Llama DUCK

Anoop Vargheese - Sarthak! How could you?

You pulled in the Otaku?

Pi Gamma Mu!

Sarthak P - a headless horseman

sits atop a big trapeze

slowly passing gas

Anoop Vargheese - .

^Lawl. Rofl. Hehe!

Sarthak, that's pure genius.

Now go die, RG!

Anoop Vargheese - .

I must go, you see.

For the quizzes still haunt me.

I'm logging out. Bye! :D

Sarthak P - hey come on guys

This did not even reach 100

comments,it should have

Nitin (One-by-Six) - 'Slowly passing gas'

Heh... Laughed my buttocks RIGHT off,

I did. I want more!

Right... So where were we?

Oh yeah! Bob! Make one for me!

(RG the Zombie!)

Nitin (One-by-Six) - Irresistible

is the call of the haiku

Damned addictive, too!

Anoop Vargheese - Dammit! I still can't,

Where is my Bob? I can't wait.

Logging out is hard.

Anoop Vargheese - .

Damn you two. Little twerps.

The Haiku calls. Calling. Called.

Can't I mug in peace?

Anoop Vargheese - .

Besides the quizzes,

George Orwell must I present

For Lit. and Values.

250 pages-

That's how much I have to read.

Short story my ass.

Nitin (One-by-Six) - But seriously

All we used to do, was to

Get an alarm clock

I'd set it on snooze,

and once every five minutes

It would wake me up.

Wait... no. That plan cupped.

All it did was immunize

Me to all the noise.

Nitin (One-by-Six) - George?! I LOVE that guy!

What are you reading? Essay?

Animal farm? What?

Anoop Vargheese - .

1984.

She called it a "short" story.

Want: Dictionary.

Sarthak P - Oh so cool man!

so the contest continues

and sleep is gone

Nitin (One-by-Six) - I'm reading that NOW!

(Actually, it's on pause.)

But STILL. Your course rocks.

Pfft. Seriously.

FUCK E.D. You read stuff and

You get MARKS for that?!

Sarthak P - I am working on

the world's funniest haiku

it's not working out

Sarthak P - Make haikus for hours

Stare at the screen with red eyes

it's time for class

Sarthak P - okay I am taking

a small break here,I will

return in some time

Akand Toshhhhhh - WTF?? awesome thread :)

Sarthak P - :D :D :D :D :D

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

:D :D :D :D :D

Nitin (One-by-Six) - Hold on... how many

Syllables is a smiley?

Oh well. I vote 'none'.

Anoop Vargheese - .

Well, this thread was fun,

But I must beat temptation.
So good night, y'all!

Frigid lights

A blue butterfly

Walks into a car

Of cherry hailstorms.

Dots of light come floating up,

Whisking, whorling, wandering,

August, and then another.

I'm sinking, a serene tiger

Approaches.

Boxes of hoops and clocks

Pile upon each other, they

Burn into a fragrant mist

Of dandelion discs.

Manifest. Manifest! I command thee, Manifest!!

Mother Earth is calm,

But she deceives.

Father Time is full of angst,

And cannot keep watch.

Algid. Arctic. Chilly. Frigid. Snappy.

Coldish air nips at a barren cube

Of red herrings.

Once more I see the tiger,

Across the lake. Blue and green streams

Of night lights.

Pillars of buttery steel fall from the ground

Looking down, he bursts. Into Song.

The notes flow along

Uncharted streams

Following the train

Of a forgotten thought.

Yellow. Oval. Chrome.

And now perdition is lost.

Paradise once was; in a watery cave

Kubla Khan cries out.

The butterfly flaps,

The lights whisper;

A feline commands the goddess be still.

A ringing clock,

A cube of herrings.

Now It manifests!

And all of God's grand glory is seen from within to without.

But the second passes,

Now but a moment,

Forever lost.

Forever alone.

The Cloud

The Prof puts forth

Great steam and noise

Frothing and foaming into a looming cloud

Of Nothingness

That wallows gently past,

As I watch, and wave.

Cryogenesis

Well, the other day on the occasion of Swami Vivekananda's birthday, the honourable Dr. A P J Abdul Kalam was to grace our institute with his presence. However, due to his "prior arrangements", he came almost two hours late. Seeing as I had time to waste, I wrote this little ode:

The hall is big, enormous, huge,

Full, but empty of Him,

Scanned time and again for subterfuge,

We wait, our thoughts go dim.

An air-conditioned room, I'll admit, is nice,

But it's kinda lost its charm, after

Two hours of slowly turning to ice -

A true Bond recipe for disaster.

They say he's comin' in by 'copter

A white-maned crusader of Creativity and Power,

But I wonder, can we present him the silver platter

When just to thaw our hands would require heat nuclear?

Time and again our hopes were raised,

For widespread applause rang through the hall;

'Twas but a false alarm. Him be flayed,

That damned little devil that started it all.

Sure he's a master - of rocketry and space -

And has, to his credit, a hundred odd crafts,

But now he's engineered an engine no other could replace -

A cryogenic type, of frozen human sculpts!

Hmmm... well, by this point our ex-president arrived and I never got to finish the epic. Never could pick up the rhythm later. Oh well, on to better insanities. :)

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"Run! The zombies are coming!"